Think the last time I ranted in a whole entire paragraph like that was years ago. The more incoherent the better. Damn it.

I want to whine. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, don't want to go for the band camp. How on earth am I going to survive for three whole days. Okay no I'm not going to write anything here but I really shouldn't have read anything (yes I read and I feel awful now). Really awful. To think I'd be fine... Can I have a bubble to hide in?! and you know what's the worst part? I'm just going to keep everything to myself until I solve the more important problems first. Though I'm glad I used the time well yesterday to foster better bonds with my family. I've spent far too much time with my friends in the past and I'm going to make up for all the tantrums I've thrown at home in the past. I really wish dad wouldn't have to travel to and fro so often. Positive things aside, I now TOTALLY know how somebody felt like in the past its the most sucky feeling ever. I really don't want to go but I don't have a choice! and I'm not doing enough at least I'll feel better for going out to get the materials on tuesday! Damn it a picture speaks a thousand words you know what the word exclusion means?! Not like inclusion would make things better. Actually it would. But it'd be weird. Everything would be weird, why the hell did I choose to do what I did. People say "most people regret that they didn't do something, not what they did". I disagree. Or maybe its both. You know, after a few months I feel as though things have been getting better on the other side but it'll never be the same. Freakshit. I still don't want to go for the camp guess I'll just have to find joy in other stuff this time round. Somehow I miss my friend (who's gone) more than ever. Freakshitfreakshit. On the other hand, I so badly want to do more but I've got lessons in the morning tomorrow. Everything makes me feel like some irresponsible freak. Okay, I've gotta be responsible for my own actions now. Shall forget about everything and focus on what I should do for art tomorrow. Perspectives, persepctives, perspectives... certain contradictions above are intentional.